THIS IS MY LIFE STORY

*Story:

ME, MY KIDS AND M.S

Author:

FUSHONIA ARTIS

GROWING UP I WASN'T THE BEST KID, BUT I WAS DEFINITLY RAISED THE RIGHT WAY AND WAS TAUGHT TO DO MY BEST AT ANY AND EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO ACCOMPLISH IN LIFE. AS I GOT OLDER I LEARNED THE MEANING OF RESPONSIBILITY.COMING FROM A FAMILY OF MOSTLY WOMEN WHOM WHICH WERE ALL STRONG , INDEPENDENT,HARD WORKING WOMEN, I GREW TO BECOME AS THEY WERE. GOING THROUGH LIFE I LIVED BY THE THINGS THAT I WAS TAUGHT GROWING UP AND THAT WAS EMBEDDED IN ME. I WAS TAUGHT THAT I NEEDED TO GET AN EDUCATION, SET GOALS AND TRY TO ACCOMPLISH THOSE GOALS AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY. I WORKED FOR THE THINGS THAT I WANTED AND NEEDED. I THEN BECAME A MOTHER AT A YOUNG AGE, SO THAT MADE ME MORE RESPONSIBLE. I NOW HAD SOMEONE WHO DEPENDED ON ME TO PROVIDE FOR THEM AND TO TEACH THEM THE ROPES OF LIFE AS I WAS TAUGHT. I DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL AND I JUST WORKED BUT THEN WHEN I GOT OUT ON MY OWN I REALIZED THAT IF I WANTED TO GET A BETTER PAYING JOB I NEEDED MY EDUCATION.I STARTED STUDYING TO GET MY DIPLOMA AT HOME THROUGH CORNERSTONE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY AND SHORTLY AFTER THAT I GOT IT SO I KNEW FROM THERE, BETTER DAYS WOULD COME.WHEN MY DAUGHTER TURNED TWO YEARS OLD I TOLD MYSELF THAT I DIDNT WANT TO WORK IN FAST FOOD ANY LONGER, I WANTED A NEW BEGINING, SO I STARTED LOOKING FOR OTHER JOBS AND I GOT A JOB AT A ASSITED LIVING FACILITY CALLED MOOSEHAVEN, THERE I WORKED IN DIETARY FOR THREE YEARS, I THEN GOT PREGNANT WITH MY SECOND CHILD BUT I CONTINUED TO WORK THERE. SIX WEEKS AFTER GIVING BIRTH TO MY SON I WENT BACK AND WORKED THERE FOR A SHORT TIME BUT I THEN REALIZED THAT WHAT ONCE WAS A GOOD JOB FOR ME AND MY DAUGHTER WASNT ENOUGH FOR ME AND TWO KIDS SO I STARTED LOOKING FOR A SECOND JOB. I GOT A POSITION AS A PART TIME SECRETARY AT A NURSEING HOME WHERE MY SISTER WORKED. I SOON THEN LEFT MOOSEHAVEN AND BEGAN WORKING AT PUBLIX WAREHOUSE DOING SANITATION, I LOVED MY JOB. IT WAS A GREAT PAYING JOB AND I FELT AS THOUGH ME AND MY KIDS WERE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD LIFE WITH NO WORRIES.SO AS TIME GOES ON IM WORKING TWO JOBS AND BEING A SINGLE MOTHER OF TWO I STILL MANAGED TO HOLD IT ALL TOGATHER I KNEW MY BABIES DEPENED ON ME, AND I WAS DETERMAINED. GOING TO WORK EVERY DAY JUST TO MAKE SURE MY KIDS COULD HAVE ALL THAT THEY WANTED, AND EVERYTHING THAT THEY NEEDED, TO SEE THE SMILES ON THEIR FACES MADE MY WORLD TURN. THEN ONE DAY SOMTHING STARTED TO GO WRONG BUT I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS ALL I KNEW WAS MY RIGHT LEG STARTED TO FEEL VERY HEAVY IT WOULDNT PICK UP,IT WOULD JUST DRAG, BUT WHAT EVER THIS WAS, I WASNT GONNA LET IT STOP ME, I HAD RESPONSIBILITIES. AFTER I KEPT GOING BACK AND FORTH TO THE DR. AND THEM TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT COULD BE WRONG I DECIDED TO JUST DEAL WITH IT. THERE WAS NO PAIN IT WAS JUST HARD FOR ME TO WALK, IT FELT LIKE I HAD A BAG OF BRICKS TIED TO ME. THIS WENT ON FOR A WHILE WITH NO RELIEF AND IT STARTED TO GET WORST AS I WORKED IN THE FREEZER, I FELT AS THOUGH IT WAS THE BELOW ZERO DEGREE ATMOSPHERE THAT WAS MAKEING MY LIMB FEEL STIFF SO I TRIED TO POST OUT WHICH MEANT MOVE TO ANOTHER DEPARTMENT. I THOUGHT THAT WHATEVER WAS GOING ON WITH MY BODY WAS AFFECTED BY THE COLD. THE CHANGE OF DEPARTMENTS FELL THROUGH WHICH LEFT ME IN THE FREEZER. I JUST COULDNT TAKE IT ANYMORE AND I HAD TO MAKE A BIG DECISION, I DECIDED TO LEAVE PUBLIX. I CONTINUED TO WORK AT THE PART TIME SECRETARY JOB AND I FOUND ANOTHER JOB DOIN DATA ENTRY, SO I JUST SAT AT A DESK ALL DAY. MY LEG IS STILL HEAVY BUT I DIDNT DO MUCH WALKING SO I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS OK. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I GOT REALLY SICK TO THE POINT THAT I COULDNT STOP THROWING UP.THE FIRST TIME THE THROWING UP STARTED I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS FOOD POISONING BECAUSE THE LAST THING I REMEMBERED EATTING WAS A CHILI DOG FROM DAIRY QUEEN. THE VOMITING NEVER STOPPED. IT WAS SO SEVERE I COULDNT LIFT MY HEAD OFF MY PILLOW, WHEN I DID IT WAS LIKE THE WORLD WAS SPINNING REALLY FAST. I THREW UP SO MUCH, THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD COME UP WAS STOMACHE ACID, I WAS SO DIZZY," WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME" WAS THE ONLY THING I WANTED TO KNOW. I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AFTER I HAD BEEN THROWING UP FOR ALMOST A WEEK .THE DOCTOR TOLD ME IT WAS VERTIGO,GAVE ME A SCRIPT AND SENT ME HOME AFTER A COUPLE OF DAYS I FELT A LITTLE BETTER SO I RETURNED BACK TO WORK BUT THAT DIDNT LAST LONG AT ALL. SOON AFTER THE VOMITING EPISODES, I WAS SITTING AT MY DESK DOING MY WORK AND ALL IN A SPLIT SECOND MY COMPUTER SCREEN WENT BLACK. THINKING THAT MY COMPUTER WAS MESSING UP I CALLED MY BOSS IN THERE AND I TOLD HER SOMTHING WAS WRONG WITH MY SCREEN... SHE TOLD ME NO THAT EVERYTHING WAS FINE SO I TOLD HER IT WAS BLACK BUT SHE INSISTED THAT IT WAS FINE. SO I MADE AN EYE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT IN WHICH I NEVER MADE IT THERE BECAUSE THINGS GOT BAD REALLY FAST.

SOMETHING IS WRONG

AFTER ALL THE DIFFRENT THINGS THAT MY BODY WAS GOING THROUGH AND NO ONE COULD TELL ME WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME, I DECIDED TO GET ANOTHER OPINION. ON MAY 26,2007 I LEFT WORK AND WENT STRAIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE THE VOMITING,DIZZINESS,LOST VISION AND THEN MY BALANCE ALL IN ONE HIT ME LIKE A POWERBALL THAT I COULDNT CONTROL,, I THOUGHT I WAS ABOUT TO DIE, I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHAT TO EXPECT. WHEN I GOT TO ORANGE PARK MEDICAL CENTER EMERGENCY ROOM,IT FELT AS THOUGH I WAS WAITING A LIFETIME TO BE SEEN. WHEN THEY FINALLY GOT ME IN THE BACK , I THOUGHT THE FIGHT WAS GOING TO BE OVER BUT WHEN THEY TOLD THE PERSON THAT BROUGHT ME TO THE HOSPITAL THEY WERE GOING TO SEND ME TO URGENT CARE WHERE I WOULD GET A SCRIPT, I JUST KNEW I WAS GOING TO CONTINUE TO SUFFER. IT FELT LIKE I WAS BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMTHING AND I JUST DIDNT KNOW WHAT. SO I DID THE ONLY THING I COULD DO AT THAT POINT, I PRAYED TO GOD AND ASKED HIM TO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY AM I SUFFERING LIKE THIS. WHEN I MADE IT TO URGENT CARE I WAS PLACED IN A ROOM AND SHORTLY AFTER THE DOCTOR CAME IN. AS I SAT THERE ON THE HOSPITAL BED, THE DOCTOR SAT ON HIS STOOL,AND HE JUST STARED AT ME. I WAS CONFUSED SO I ASKED HIM WHY WAS HE LOOKING AT ME? LOOKING ME IN MY FACE HE SAID TO ME "SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU". I REPLIED "I KNOW THATS WHY IM HERE". HE TOLD ME TO STAND UP ,PUT MY FEET TOGATHER,ARMS OUT AND CLOSE MY EYES. WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON I WAS AFRAID I WOULD FALL BUT HE STOOD BEHIND ME AND SOMEONE STOOD IN FRONT OF ME I FELT LIKE I WAS SWIMMING, MY BALANCE WAS VERY OFF AND I WAS SO DIZZY. HE THEN MADE ME GO OUT INTO THE HALLWAY AND WALK,BUT I COULDNT WALK WITHOUT HOLDING ON TO THE WALL. HE THEN WANTED TO CHECK MY SIGHT SO HE TOLD ME TO READ THE ROW OF LETTERS ON THE BOARD BUT WHEN I STARTED TO READ THEM, THEY APPEARED REALLY SMALL LIKE LITTLE ANTS SO I TOLD HIM THAT I COULDNT SEE THEM. THE DOCTOR TOLD ME THAT SOMETHING WAS REALLY WRONG AND THAT HE NEEDED TO CALL HIS SUPERVISOR. AT THAT MOMENT I FELT A SENSE OF RELIEF BECAUSE SOMEONE SAW WHAT I HAD BEEN SAYING FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS "SOMTHING WAS WRONG WITH ME". WHEN THE SUPERVISIOR CAME IN I HAD TO DO EVERYTHING ALL OVER AGAIN AND HE SAID "OH NO SOMTHING IS DEFINITLY WRONG,SEND HER BACK TO E.R IMMEDIATELY".

THIS IS SERIOUS!

THEY RUSHED ME BACK TO THE E.R, AND AT THAT MOMENT I GOT REALLY SCARED SO I STARTED TO PRAY. I ASKED GOD TO BRING ME OUT OF WHAT EVER THIS WAS. THEY GOT ME INTO A ROOM WHERE I STAYED FOR HOURS. IT WAS MY WEEKEND TO WORK SO AS IM IN THE HOSPITAL BED I CALLED MY JOB TO LET THEM KNOW THAT I WASNT GOING TO MAKE IT IN BECAUSE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. ITS LIKE FOUR AM AND THEY DRAWING BLOOD, THEY WHEELED ME TO THE MRI PART OF THE HOSPITAL WHERE THEY DID MORE TESTING, THEN THEY TOOK ME BACK TO THE TRIAGE WHERE I THEN STAYED FOR A COUPLE MORE HOURS. AS IM LAYING IN THE BED THE DOCTOR CAME IN AND HE SAT DOWN, I GOT TERRIFIED IMMEDIATELY JUST BY LOOKING AT HIS FACE. HE SAID TO ME "I LOOKED AT UR MRI AND WE THOUGHT WE SAW A TUMOR", I PANICKED, BUT THEN HE SAID "IT WASNT A TUMOR, WE ARE UNSURE WHAT IT IS SO WE HAVE TO DO MORE TEST, YOU ALSO HAVE MORE WHITE BLOOD CELLS THAN NORMAL. YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO ONLY HAVE ONE TO FIVE AND YOU HAVE SEVEN SO WE NEED TO DO A SPINAL TAP TO ENSURE THAT IT ISNT MENINGITIS". I AGREED TO GET THE SPINAL TAP NOT KNOWING THAT THE PAIN I WAS ABOUT TO ENDURE WOULD BE THE WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE. IT FELT LIKE I HAD JUST GOT STABBED IN MY BACK WITH THE BIGGEST BUTCHER KNIFE, I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER IT WAS THE WORST THING EVER, I WAS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR THE DOCTORS TO BE ABLE TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH MY BODY. AFTER ALL THE TESTING I WAS ADMITTED AND THEY THEN MOVED ME INTO AN ISOLATED ROOM, AS I STATED BEFORE THEY THOUGHT THIS COULD BE MENINGITS. NOW IM IN ISOLATION FOR ABOUT A DAY OR SO, NO ONE HAS CAME IN TO TELL ME ANYTHING SO I WAS LOST. ONE NIGHT AS IM LAYING THERE ASKING GOD WHAT COULD THIS BE, THE DOCOR CAME IN AND HE SAID TO ME "AFTER ALL THE RESEARCH AND LOOKING OVER ALL OF YOUR TESTES,WE DISCOVERED THAT IT IS NOT MENINGITIS, BUT ITS MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS". I FELT RELIEVED BECAUSE ME KNOWING THAT MENINGITIS CAN KILL YOU, I WAS JUST OVER JOYED, AT FIRST. NOT HAVING A CLUE WHAT MULTIPLE SCELROSIS WAS. I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF IT IN MY LIFE.

RELIEVED FOR THE MOMENT. BUT IS IT OVER?

I WAS STILL IN ISOLATION WAITING TO BE MOVED, IN WHICH I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO GO HOME BUT AS IM WAITING, I HEAR MY MOM UPSET WITH THE NURSES BECAUSE THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE HER PUT ON THE MASK AND THE GOWN BUT SHE WAS REFUSEING BECAUSE SHE KNEW I DIDNT HAVE MENINGITIS, I GUESS THE NURSE DIDNT GET THE MEMO. SO MOM CAME IN, HER MY LIL SISTERS ASHIA AND MOOK I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE THEM BUT IT WAS STILL TWO PEOPLE MISSING. I ASKED MY MOM WHERE WAS MY BIG SISTER FUCHSIA AND MY BROTHER MAN, SHE DIDNT REPLY SO I DIDNT ASK AGAIN. AS IM THINKING OF THEM, THEY WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS, MY SISTER KIND OF RUBBED MY LEG AND AS SHE WAS DOING THAT, I LOOKED AT HER FACE AND COULD TELL THAT SHE HAD BEEN CRYING, SHE WALKED OVER TO A CHAIR AND SAT DOWN. MY BROTHER CAME OVER TO ME AND HE KISSED MY FORHEAD AND I COULD TELL THAT HE HAD BEEN CRYING TOO,THEN HE IMMEDIATELY WALKED INTO THE RESTROOM. AT THIS POINT I GOT KIND OF NERVOUS,SO I ASKED FUCHSIA WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I WAS ON MY DEATH BED. SHE SAID TO ME,"DO U KNOW MR.DAVE AT THE JOB?" I REPLIED YES,SHE SAID "YOU SEE HOW HE IN THAT HOOVER ROUND?" I SAID YES, STILL KIND OF PUZZLED, SHE THEN SAID "HE HAS THE SAME THING YOU HAVE". I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BACK BECAUSE IN MY HEAD, MY THOUGHTS WERE SCATTERED. MY BROTHER CAME OUT OF THE RESTROOM AND HE SAID THAT HE WAS GOING DOWN STAIRS TO SMOKE BUT AFTER A WHILE HE STILL WASNT BACK,SO I CALLED HIM TO SEE WHAT WAS TAKING HIM SO LONG BUT HE TOLD ME THAT HE NEEDED TO LEAVE BECAUSE HE COULDNT SEE ME LIKE THAT. I WAS STILL TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGATHER AND NOT SHOW ANY EMOTION BECAUSE I WANTED THE VISIT FROM MY FAMILY TO BE A HAPPY VISIT FOR ALL OF US. IN MY MIND IM THINKING OF HOW CAN I GO ON WITH MY EVERYDAY LIFE WITH AN ILLNESS LIKE THIS, HOW CAN I CARE FOR MY KIDS, I WAS TORN INSIDE. THEN THE PHONE RUNG, AND WHEN I ANSWERED, IT WAS MY DAD ASKING WHAT WAS WRONG AND WAS I OKAY? I JUST BROKE DOWN AND CRIED BECAUSE I NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND HOW COULD I BE SO HEALTHY ALL OF MY LIFE AND THEN ONE DAY SOMTHING LIKE THIS COULD COME AND CHANGE MY ENTIRE LIFE FOREVER. OUT OF EVERYTHING THAT I WAS TAUGHT I WAS NEVER PREPARED FOR ANY LIFE CHANGING POSSIBILITIES THAT I MAY ONE DAY FACE.  AFTER BEING IN ISOLATION FOR THREE DAYS, I WAS THEN MOVED TO A ROOM WHERE I WOULD STAY FOR FOUR MORE DAYS. I MISSED MY KIDS, MY BED, MY DOG, MY HOME I MISSED EVERYTHING I JUST WANTED OUT OF THIS HOSPITAL. MY DAUGHTER WAS ONLY SEVEN YEARS OLD,SHE WAS IN ATLANTA WITH HER AUNT FOR THE SUMMER,SO SHE HAD NO CLUE THAT I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. MY SON WAS ONLY ONE YEARS OLD ABOUT TO TURN TWO IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,HE WAS STAYING WITH MY MOM DURING EVERYTHING,HE WAS SMALL SO HE REALLY DIDNT UNDERSTAND. I JUST KEPT PRAYING FOR THIS TO ALL BE OVER. EVERY MORNING I WOULD BE AWAKIN TO GET BLOOD DRAWN. I COULDNT GET RELEASED UNTIL I HAD A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF STEROIDS GO THROUGH MY I.V IM TALKING LIKE SEVERAL BIG BAGS. IT FELT LIKE I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO WALK ALL OVER AGAIN. I LOST WEIGHT TREMENDOUSLY. THE DAY THAT MY MOM BROUGHT MY SON TO THE HOSPITAL TO SEE ME, I FILLED WITH JOY BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE I HAVENT SEEN MY KIDS IN FOREVER AND EVEN THOUGH MY DAUGHTER HAD WENT TO ATLANTA BEFORE I WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL I JUST WANTED MY KIDS WITH ME BECAUSE I KNEW SO MUCH WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE THIS WAS NOT JUST AFFECTING ME, IT WAS AFFECTING MY ENTIRE FAMILY. I JUST WANTED EVERYTHING TO GO BACK TO NORMAL.ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS I WONT BE ABLE TO DO ALL THE THINGS I USE TO WITH MY KIDS,LIKE GOING TO THE PARK OR JUST SIMPLY TAKIN A WALK, SO MUCH HAS TO CHANGE.AFTER I RECEIVED ALL OF THE STEROIDS THAT I NEEDED THEY TOLD ME THAT I WAS BEING RELEASED.FINALLY I WAS GOING HOME TO MY FAMILY. BEFORE I WAS RELEASED I HAD TO TRY AND USE A QUAD CANE. I COULDNT USE THE QUAD CANE SO I WAS GIVEN A WALKER. HERE I WAS A 25YR OLD HAVEING TO USE A WALKER TO GET AROUND. I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS.HOW WOULD MY KIDS TAKE THIS CHANGE? I WAS SO LOST THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME FOR ANY OF US. I RETURNED HOME AFTER BEING IN THE HOSPITAL FOR A TOTAL OF SEVEN DAYS. I WAS HAPPY TO BE HOME BUT THINGS WERE SO DIFFERENT FOR ME.I HAD SO MUCH THAT I NEEDED TO DO. MY SON SECOND BIRTHDAY WAS COMING UP SO I WAS DETERMINED TO HAVE HIS PARTY. INSPITE OF IT ALL I PLANNED MY SON BIRTHDAY AND WE HAD A PARTY. IT WAS BACK TO REALITY,I HAD THIS ILLNESS THAT I HAD TO DEAL WITH AND LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.DEALING WITH EVERYTHING THAT I WAS DEALING WITH I JUST WANTED TO CRAWL UP UNDER A ROCK AND HIDE.HOW CAN I GO ON ? I STARTED TO SEE A NEUROLOGIST FOR MY M.S BUT WHEN I GOT THERE,I GAVE THE NURSE THE MRI FILM THAT SHOWED THE SPOTS ON MY BRAIN WHICH ARE CALLED LESIONS. THERE WERE SO MANY LESIONS BUT I DIDNT REALLY KNOW WHAT I WAS LOOKING AT. I KNEW IT WAS SERIOUS BECAUSE WHEN THE NURSE CAME IN TO GET THE DOCTOR THEY PUT THE FILM ON A BOARD WHICH WAS LIT UP, THEY THEN SHUT THE DOOR SO I COULDNT HEAR WHAT WAS BEING SAID I GUESS THE AMOUNT OF LESIONS TOOK THEM BY SURPRISE TOO.. THE DOCTOR CAME BACK IN AND HE STARTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT THE ILLNESS. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE DIFFERENT MEDICATIONS THAT WERE OUT THERE WHICH AT THAT MOMENT HE HE THEN PRESCRIBED ME BETASERON AND INFORMED ME THAT THE MEDICATION COULD ONLY BE INSULIN THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE GIVEN THROUGH A SYRINDGE. SO TECHNICALLY I WOULD HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF A SHOT,AND HE THEN TOLD ME THAT IT IS NO CURE,,, I WENT INTO DEPRESSION,I DIDNT WANT TO TALK ,I DIDNT WANT MY SON AROUND ME,I JUST FELT LIKE I COULDNT DO ANYTING FOR HIM SO I DIDNT WANT HIM TO BE AROUND ME. IT WAS LIKE IT WAS THE END OF MY WORLD. I WAS PRESCRIBED ZOLOFT FOR MY DEPRESSION WHICH I WOULDNT TAKE SO ONE DAY I JUST LOCKED MY SELF IN THE BATHROOM AND I LOOKED INTO THE MIRROR AND I TOLD MYSELF I WAS NOT GOING TO LET M.S GET THE BEST OF ME AND I JUST THANKED GOD THAT I WAS STILL ALIVE. FROM THAT DAY FORTH I STAYED STRONG AND I JUST DELT WITH IT. I HAD TO TAKE SHOTS  EVERY OTHER DAY. I WAS KIND OF DISCOURAGED WHEN I LEARNED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO DO THEM MYSELF, I COULDNT SEE MYSELF DOING THIS BUT I KNEW I HAD TO. SHORTLY AFTER EVERYTHING KIND OF SETTLED DOWN I MADE A TRIP TO ATLANTA TO GET MY DAUGHTER. I TOLD HER ABOUT THE ILLNESS AND LET HER KNOW THAT ALOT WOULD CHANGE BUT I WAS GOING TO DO MY BEST NO MATTER WHAT. I WAS GOING TO FIGHT M.S HEAD ON. AFTER THE DOCTOR RELEASED ME BACK TO WORK. I WAS TAKING IT PRETTY SLOW,SO I ONLY WENT BACK TO WORKING THE WEEKEND JOB.THINGS SEEMED TO BE GOING WELL FOR A WHILE. AFTER A FEW MONTHS I FELL INTO WHAT THEY CALLED A RELAPSE, NOT LIKE A RELAPSE FROM DRUGS OR ANYTHING BUT THE STAGE OF M.S THAT I HAVE, WHICH IS RELAPSING/REMITTING MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS. I STARTED TO THROW UP AGAIN AND IT WOULDNT STOP. IT WAS SCAREY BECAUSE IT WOULD JUST HAPPEN, I NEVER KNEW WHEN THE EPISOPDES WERE GOING TO HIT ME. I COULDNT EAT,WALK,GET OUT OF BED,I COULDNT EVEN DRINK WATER. I HAD TO STOP WORKING FOR A WHILE,I WAS DOWN FOR ABOUT THREE WEEKS. I WAS SO WEAK I FELT LIKE I WAS HOPELESS. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR THINK. NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WENT THROUGH MY HEAD.I JUST WANTED IT TO STOP. I REMEMBER TELLING MY SISTER I FELT LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO DIE. I CRIED ALOT BECAUSE I COULDNT DO ANYTHING, NOT EVEN CARE FOR MY CHILDREN, SO I HAD TO HAVE MY LITTLE SISTERS STAY WITH ME SO THAT THEY COULD CARE FOR THEM. I COULDNT PHYSICALLY GET OUT OF BED TO EVEN SHOWER I WOULD HAVE TO SPONGE BATHE.I LAID BED RIDDEN FOR WEEKS AND ONE DAY WHEN EVERYONE HAD LEFT FOR SCHOOL,,I CRAWLED OUT OF BED AND CRAWLED TO THE BATHROOM. I PULLED MYSELF UP TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR,AND WHAT I SAW, I JUST BROKE DOWN AND CRIED. I HAD LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT I DIDNT EVEN LOOK LIKE ME. I LOOKED BULIMIC,I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO SINNY IN MY LIFE. THIS WAS BAD,REALLY REALLY BAD. FROM THAT DAY I KNEW THAT I NEEDED TO DO ANY AND EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET BACK HEALTHY NO MATTER WHAT IT WOULD TAKE.  DURING THIS DOWN TIME, I RECEIVED A CALL  FROM THE MENTAL HEALTH OF JACKSONVILLE, I HAD  SENT MY RESUME TO THEM FOR A JOB OPPORTUNITY WITHIN THEIR COMPANY.THE PHONE INTERVIEW WENT WELL AND THEY STATED THAT I WOULD BE HEARING FROM THEM TO INFORM ME WHEN AND WHERE I WOULD NEED TO GO FOR THE ORIENATION.  FOR THE NEXT WEEK I WORKED ON GETTIN THE VOMITTING UNDER MY CONTROL. I STARTED TO EAT , EVEN THOUGH I WOULD THROW UP I WOULD STILL EAT. THEN ONE DAY I MY FRIEND BROUGHT ME SOME FOOD FROM THIS PLACE DOWN THE STREET FROM MY HOUSE CALLED HEAVEN'S BEST. I DONT KNOW IF THAT WAS A SIGN OR WHAT, ALL I KNEW WAS THAT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT STAYED DOWN, SO I WOULD EAT FROM THIS PLACE EVERYDAY. FINALLY I FEEL BETTER THAN I HAVE IN WEEKS, I GET THE LETTER IN THE MAIL TO TELL ME ABOUT THE ORINTATION,IT WAS IN A COUPLE OF DAYS. I FELT RELEIVED THAT I WAS FEELING BETTER TO MAKE IT TO THIS ORINTATION BECAUSE I NEEDED THAT JOB. A FEW DAYS WENT BY AND ITS NOW THE DAY OF THE ORINTATION, I STATRED TO FEEL A LIL NAUSEA BUT I DIDNT KNOW IF IT WAS FROM BEING A LITTLE NERVOUS TO GO OUT AND AROUND OTHERS USIN A WALKER OR WAS THE EPISODE COMING BACK AND WILL IT BE WORST, I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BUT I KNEW I HAD TO MAKE IT TO THIS ORINTATION. THIS IS GOING TO BE A THREE HOUR CLASS, I DIDNT KNOW IF I COULD MAKE IT THROUGH BUT I SURE WAS GOING TO TRY. THAT I DID IN DEED,I MADE IT THROUGH THE THREE HOURS,BUT THEN THE TEACHER PULLED A GROUP OF US  TO DO OUR NEW HIRE PAPER WORK. WE GET INTO ANOTHER OFFICE,THE NAUSEA FEELING WAS AT THE TOP OF MY STOMACHE I WAS JUST PRAYING THAT IT DIDNT COME UP. AS EVERYONE WAS FINISHING UP THEIR PAPER WORK THE LADY WAS TELLING THEM WHICH OFFICE THEY WOULD BE WORKING AT AND SHE WAS SENDING US TO WORK THAT DAY. WHEN SHE GOT TO ME I WAS GOING TO BE WORKING AT THE MENTAL HEALTH CENTER ON THE WESTSIDE OF JACKSONVILLE WHICH WAS A GOOD THING BECAUSE I LIVED ON THE WEST SIDE. I WAS THE LAST ONE LEFT IN THE OFFICE FINISHING UP MY PAPER WORK, THE LADY STEPPED OUT THE OFFICE FOR A FEW AND AS IM FILLING OUT MY PAPER WORK , I REMEMBER ONE SHEET WHERE IT WAS ASKING ABOUT DIFFERENT ILLNESSES AND IT HAD MULTIPLE SCELEROSIS AND I CHECKED YES.. AFTER THAT I FELT THE VOMIT AND ITS COMING UP. I LOOKED AROUND FOR THE TRASH CAN BUT THERE WASNT ONE IN SIGHT SO I GRABBED A CUP. AS ALL OF THIS IS GOING ON THE LADY WALKED BACK INTO THE OFFICE AND THERE I WAS THROWING UP. I WAS SO EMBARRASSED BUT RELEIVED AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE NOT ONLY WAS I ALREADY HIRED BUT I KNEW THAT THEY COULDNT DENY ME THE JOB AFTER MY EPISODE BECAUSE AS I STATED THE PAPER WORKED ASKED IF I HAD ANY ILLNESSES AND I ANSWERED HONESTLY LETTING THEM KNOW THAT I HAD M.S. THE LADY FANNED ME AND ASKED WAS I OKAY I TOLD HER THAT I HAVE M.S AND I HAD BEEN FEELING BAD,SHE TOLD OKAY AND ADVISED ME TO GO TO THE DOCTOR TO MAKE SURE I WAS OKAY, AND CALL HER OFFICE WHEN I WAS ABLE TO  START WORKING. THAT VERY DAY I WENT TO ORANGE PARK MEDICAL ERI IN  HOPES OF GETTING A PRESCRIPTION FOR NAUSEA SO I COULD START WORKING. IN THE E.R THEY GAVE ME FLUIDS THROUGH AN I.V AND I WAS SENT HOME WITH A SCRIPT FOR THE NAUSEA. WOULD THIS HELP?? I WAS HOPEING SO. I WENT TO TAKE THE PRSCRIPTION TO CVS AND DROP IT OFF. BUT WHEN I CALLED TO SEE IF IT WAS READY, THEY TOLD ME THAT MY INSURANCE WOULDNT COVER IT. I ASKED HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST ME OUT OF POCKET? THEY TOLD ME THAT IT WOULD COST $300 FOR TEN PILLS. I WAS IN SHOCK,BUT I KNEW THAT THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE. I JUST FILED MY INCOME TAXES AND WAS ABLE TO GET THE MEDICATION WITH NO PROBLEMS. I GOT THE MEDICINE AND I STARTED TO TAKE IT IMMEDIATELY. AFTER THE FIRST THREE DAYS I FELT 100% BETTER BUT I WANTED TO MAKE SURE SO I WAITED A COUPLE MORE DAYS BEFORE I CALLED TO START MY JOB. EVERYTHING WAS GOING GOOD, I WASNT THROWING UP ANYMORE, I FELT PRETTY GOOD SO I STARTED THE NEW JOB AT THE MENTAL HEALTH CENTER. I DIDNT HAVE AND EPISODES FOR A WHILE, I WAS TAKING MY SHOTS AT HOME  AS I WAS SUPPOSED TO, LIFE JUST SEEMED NORMAL. MONTHS HAD GONE BY NO NAUSEA OR DIZZY SPELLS, MY BALANCE WAS STILL OFF BUT I HAD MY WALKER TO HELP ME WALK. GOING BACK AND FORTH TO MY NEUROLOGIST, I ASKED HIM WHAT COULD I DO TO GET MY STABILITY  BACK HE THEN PUT ME ON A STEROID THAT I HAD TO GET THROUGH I.V AND THE GOOD THING WAS I DIDNT HAVE TO BE IN THE HOSPITAL,A NURSE CAME OUT TO PUT THE I.V IN AND I HAD TO LEAVE IT IN FOR THREE DAYS,THE NURSE CAME OUT EVERYDAY TO ADMINISTER THE STROIDS. AFTER TAKING THE STEROIDS I FELT LIKE I DIDNT NEED MY WALKER SO I DIDNT USE IT, I ALWAYS HAD IT IN MY TRUNK BUT I DIDNT HAVE TO DEPEND ON IT AS I DID BEFORE. AS THINGS WERE GOING SMOOTH, IT FELT LIKE I HAD TAKEN MY LIFE BACK FROM M.S AND IT FELT GOOD. TIME WENT ON AND I WAS STILL DOING GOOD I CONTINUED TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST AS IF I DIDNT HAVE THIS TERINMAL ILLNESS. LIFEW FELT PERFECT,WHICH WE ALL KNOW NOTHING IS PERFECT. NEVER KNOWING IF OR WHEN I WOULD HAVE ANOTHER EPISODE, I TOOK UP AS MUCH TIME THAT I COULD WITH MY KIDS BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT THIS TO KEEP ME FROM BEING THE MOTHER THAT THEY WERE USE TO. THE MOTHER THAT DID EVERYTHING WITH THEM AND FOR THEM. I WANTED OUR LIVES TO BE THE SAME AS IT WAS BEFORE M.S.